20 Ways You May Be Masking Your ADHD

Masking is something many people with ADHD learn long before they even realize it’s happening. It’s the extra effort you put in to seem focused, organized, calm, or “together,” even when your brain is working completely differently on the inside. We mask because it feels safer. Masking helps us avoid judgment, blend in, and meet expectations that weren’t designed with ADHD in mind. For many of us, masking becomes a survival strategy after years of being told to sit still, try harder, or be more responsible. This list can help you notice where masking might be showing up in your daily life, often without you even realizing it.

1. Over-preparing for meetings or conversations

You spend hours rehearsing what you want to say, planning talking points, or double-checking every detail in advance. Instead of trusting yourself to show up as you are, you prepare excessively because you’re afraid you might zone out, forget something important, or stumble over your words. Over-preparation becomes a safety blanket that hides the real concern: “What if my ADHD shows?”

2. Using humour or self-deprecation to deflect

You make jokes about being “a hot mess” or casually refer to yourself as “so ADHD” to stay in control of the narrative. Humour becomes a way to protect yourself from vulnerability, soften the impact of your struggles, or distract from deeper challenges that feel uncomfortable to reveal.

3. Mimicking others’ behaviour in social situations

You adjust your tone, posture, pace, or energy to match the people around you. Instead of expressing your natural enthusiasm or your moments of internal distraction, you mirror others to stay under the radar and avoid standing out.

4. Becoming the overly helpful one

You offer to take on extra tasks or volunteer constantly, not just because you’re kind, but because helping becomes a way to compensate for feeling disorganized or afraid of disappointing people. Even when you’re exhausted, you keep going because being “useful” feels safer than being judged.

5. Avoiding group settings to avoid possible exposure

You steer clear of meetings, classes, group projects, or social gatherings because you worry you might miss something, interrupt, lose focus, or fall behind. Avoidance becomes self-protection from the fear of being perceived as inattentive, unorganized,  unprepared, or forgetful.

6. Relying heavily on productivity tools

You have an arsenal of planners, apps, calendars, alarms, sticky notes, colour-coded systems, and endless reminders - not always because they help, but because they create the appearance of being organized. On the outside, it looks intentional and structured. On the inside, it’s often frantic and overwhelming.

7. Over-apologizing

You say “sorry” more than Britney says “oops!”. You say it so much that it’s a reflex. You apologize for being late, for forgetting something, for interrupting, even for things that aren’t your fault. Apologizing becomes a way to manage others’ perceptions and you compensate for the fear of being seen as careless or unreliable.

8. Becoming a perfectionist

You overwork, overthink, and triple-check everything to hide impulsivity or distractibility. Mistakes feel catastrophic, and your sense of worth becomes tied to performance. Perfectionism becomes armour, but it’s heavy. It creates pressure, anxiety, and burnout, even though it looks like “high standards” from the outside.

9. Suppressing fidgeting or hyperactivity

You hold yourself still even when your body is screaming to move. You clench your hands, cross and uncross your legs, chew your nails, tap your feet discreetly, or tense up your body just to release energy without drawing attention. Masking the physical symptoms takes constant effort.

10. Chronic people-pleasing

You say yes to everything because you don’t want to disappoint anyone or risk being seen as unreliable. Even when you don’t have the bandwidth, you push yourself to meet expectations you didn’t need to accept in the first place. Sometimes if feels like “Sure, I can do that!” just flies out of your mouth, but you usually regret it.

11. Creating the illusion of a perfectly managed home

Your home may appear spotless, colour-coordinated, or aesthetically curated (Martha Stewart would approve) — whether by genuine effort or by shoving everything into a closet at the last second (Shhhhhh!). The goal isn’t comfort or function. The goal is to appear capable and in control, even if the order is temporary or exhausting to maintain.

12. Avoiding asking for help

You’d rather struggle alone than risk being judged. Asking for support feels like admitting weakness or confirming the fear that you’re “too much” or “not enough.” Independence becomes a form of self-protection, even when it turns into isolation and self-sabotage.

13. Using sarcasm or intellectualism to mask insecurity

When you’re dysregulated, overwhelmed, or worried you’ve missed something, you may default to wit, sarcasm, or deep analysis. These strategies help you steer conversations away from vulnerability and toward areas where you feel more in control.

14. Disguising forgetfulness with charm

You smooth over mix-ups, missed details, or memory gaps with enthusiasm, humour, or warmth. You hope that by being likeable, your mistakes will matter less or go unnoticed.

15. Downplaying or dismissing your struggles

You tell yourself it’s “not that bad,” or that you just need to try harder. You minimize your exhaustion, overwhelm, or burnout because acknowledging the reality feels too vulnerable — or because you’ve spent years convincing yourself that pushing through is the only option.

16. Adopting a Type A identity to overcompensate

You force yourself to appear organized, structured, and detail-oriented. You adopt habits and routines that look polished from the outside, even though they require tremendous effort behind the scenes. Being “Type A” becomes a performance that hides internal chaos.

17. Double- and triple-checking everything

You reread emails multiple times, you check your bag again and again, you confirm appointments repeatedly. One small oversight feels like a personal failure, so you over-correct to avoid even the possibility of a mistake.

18. Pushing through burnout instead of resting

You keep going long after you’re depleted because stopping feels unsafe. You don’t want to disappoint anyone or fall behind, so you ignore what your body and brain are trying to tell you. Burnout becomes the baseline instead of the emergency.

19. Forcing eye contact to appear “normal”

You maintain eye contact because you’ve been told it’s polite, professional, or expected, even if it makes it harder to listen, process, or stay regulated. You choose social correctness over comfort and necessity.

20. Pretending you’re not overwhelmed

You smile and say “I’m fine,” even when you’re falling apart internally. Keeping up appearances feels easier than explaining what’s really going on, so you mask your overwhelm until it becomes impossible to ignore.

If you recognized yourself in several of these patterns, remember that masking often begins as a way to feel safe. It is a response to years of trying to meet expectations that didn’t fit how your brain naturally works. It’s not a flaw; it’s a form of self-protection. But over time, masking can become exhausting and disconnect you from what you actually need. With awareness, you can start building support systems that work for your ADHD brain, reduce the pressure to “perform,” and show up more authentically with compassion for yourself.

- Nathalie B.

ADHD & Executive Function Coach

Forward Focused ADHD Coaching

If you read this whole blog post while juggling five other things and wondering when you last had a drink of water, or the fact that you should have had a snack by now, you’re in good company. Coaching is a place to untangle some of that mental chaos, find strategies that actually work for you, and laugh along the way. If that sounds like your speed, I’d be happy to chat and see how we can make life feel less exhausting.

Sources

Chung, H. J., Wyandt, L., Verdi, G., Swentosky, A., Marraccini, M., Varejao, M.,...Turcotte, K. (2013). The relationship among ADHD symptomology, executive functions, morality, and humor. The ADHD Report, 21(7): 5-9.

Masten, A. S. (1986). Humor and competence in school-aged children. Child Development, 57(2): 461–473.

Morgan, J. (2023). Exploring women’s experiences of diagnosis of ADHD in adulthood: a qualitative study. Advances in Mental Health, 6, 1–15. Taylor & Francis Online.

https://doi.org/10.1080/18387357.2023.2268756Strategies: foot tapping, fidgeting, using the bathroom

Williams, F. (2023, June 19). ADHD and masking: Why it happens, symptoms, and how to cope. www.medicalnewstoday.com.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/adhd-masking (exhaustion, emotional dysregulation) from masking